Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
