Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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