I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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