So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
