Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
