please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
