Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
