On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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