so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
