I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So here I am, sexting at work.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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