I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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