Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
smell my finger.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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