I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
