Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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