my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
