I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
