can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
