I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
