then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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