Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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