Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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