Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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