Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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