Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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