I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
