i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
