I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
