I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
