Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My balls are so social today.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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