sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
