I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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