if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
