Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
