there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
