He disabled his match.com account in front of me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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