Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
