I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
