You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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