i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
