he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
