By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
