just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
