I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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