I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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