cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
