I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
