When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
