I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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