i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
