my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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