and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
