sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize