I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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