She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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