I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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