dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
