I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
