and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
