Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize