is your mom at the bar?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
