I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
