Swine flu. Run for my life!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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