I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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