Where is the hickey?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
