he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
