if you like me you must not know who I am
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
