I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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