how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
