Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
