you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
