Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
