Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
