i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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