It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize