sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
