He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
