so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
